It appears as if a Jack Chick revolution is happening! Certainly I'm not the first guy to poke fun at the guy, but it seems that Chick is getting more attention than ever thanks to the legions of XE readers that have embraced this feature. Each week I get about 50 emails from folks recommending other tracts to review. THE ONION just happened to run a story just days after our SODOM AND GOMMORAH tract, about the very same tract. And the support of this feature on FARK.COM has made Chick snickering get so popular, they've even added a special CHICK category. So let's celebrate the increasing popularity of this loveable wacko with a look at a brand spanking new Chick comic that was released on September 1. BEWITCHED! Hah...a title like that and you'd think he'd be grasping at straws to tell you that TV show with leads to Hell. Wait a minute...oh my god...  This button and lever pushing demon looks like he's the Hellbound equivalent of Homer Simpson. If you look carefully, you'll see the switch in his hand isn't even connected to anything. Either that, or it's a Mr. Microphone, or perhaps even a Tootsie Pop (even in Hell they're not sure of how many licks it takes to get to the center). And what's that weird gassy streak you see behind him? He's farting up a storm in there!  So BEWITCHED is Satan's favorite show. I would have bet money that it was FAMILY MATTERS. And according to Satan, it paved the way for the BUFFY and X-FILES. I guess if Satan was behind this show all along, it might help unravel the mystery of the two different Darrins. This is certainly a more hip devil than we've seen in previous Chick comics. But at least he's still laughing with his inimitable, "HAW! HAW!" style, so you know he's the real deal. I thought that according to Chicks older tracts, Satan was sent to Hell with his demons to get punished, and that Hell wasn't cool. Jeez, how bad could it be to around on a cool skull recliner and watch Elizabeth Montgomery for all enternity? Throw some old I DREAM OF JEANNIE shows in for good measure, and I'm willing to sell my soul.  Since when does taking hallucinatory drugs lead to an interest in the occult. I've smoked my share of weed, and it's only lead to an interest in Doritos, Moon Pies, and Cool Whip. Boy, if you look at that Astrology bar graph, sales for Aries related merchandise is far below the quota! And check out how Chick turned the symbol for Cancer upright for a not so subliminal "69" reference. A little repressed there, hey Jack?  Now these charts show that Anarchy, Pornography, and Homosexuality are on the rise, which is all falling in to place for the UN to take over the world with a unified government. Hey, at least Satan's trying to make a difference here to unite everybody. While all these other religions are keeping the world divided, ol Scratch is trying to bring us all together. Perhaps if he releases, "WE ARE THE WORLD" again, we just might get there.  Why is it that Satan can orchestrate the merging of the entire world's governments, but has trouble with a 16 year old acid freak? What a pussy. I love when he's getting her corrupt background, you learn that her father his not only an alcoholic, but an EXECUTIVE, too!  Wow, 60 hits of acid, and she's still walking? What are they gonna do with her even if she does go to Hell? I guess Ashleys' hell is going to be missing out on all those beautiful LSD induced colors, once she wakes up in this black and white comic book. You know, for a brand new comic published in 2000, it makes you wonder if this isn't just some piece of crap that was sitting around on Chick's desk since the early 70s. Does anyone know any teenager that dresses like a hippie with a hair band on? But wait...it gets worse...  FREAKOUT! Ashley's friends and family are stuck in the 70s all the way! And who takes medical advice from dirty hippies, anyway? "Having trouble with acid flashbacks...hey, let's take you to a medium and talk to your dead mom's ghost!" Yeah, that won't set an acid freak over the edge.  More selective scripture quoting from Jack Chick. He can find things that say homosexuality is an abombination to God, but there's cleary a passage here in Leviticus that says Ashley must be immediately put to death. Hell, I have a familiar spirit (Johnnie Walker), should that mean I need to go? I can't wait for the anti-Harry Potter tract that's destined to come.  Nice how that suit wearing doctor can appear out of nowhere and instantly diagnose that she died from a "Massive LSD flashback." Man, that's one freaky scene in the mirror, you have to admit. Looks like Chick's been watching POLTERGEIST a bit too much. And don't you just love this Johnny Come lately angel that's escorting those demons out of the room? Where the heck was he when they gave Ashley that flashback? Probably busy watching BEWTICHED, I'm sure.   You know, you'd think if Satan just spent a bit less time watching TV and more time focusing on the job at hand, he wouldn't have these problems. He's really pissed off, though. But why does the comic end here? I want to see how Satan punishes his own demons! "I have ways of making you really sorry!" YIKES! My guess is that he's gonna make him read this comic a few hundred times. -liquorhead | |||